I know. Sounds gross. Bear with me.
Long before I knew what eye candy or brain candy was I learned about Candy Christians. We were in Germany and it was Christmastime and we were at the chapel on base. I loved that place (for all the wrong reasons, but more on that later). The preacher had said two very meaningful things (to me) that sermon:
Always keep Christmas in your heart.
and
On the former: I thought he meant to always have that spirit of giving and love and hope and happiness and excitement in your heart. I thought that sounded quite lovely. I was in 5th or 6th grade and we'd been in Germany for a while. It was snowy outside. We'd been to the Kris Kringle Markets to find little wooden ornaments for the tree. We had a cozy little apartment in some little village. There were presents under the tree. My dad was going to be in town for a while. My brother and I got to pick out a comic book or Trixie Belden novel at the base book store before going home. To take that and capture it and keep it in your heart always seemed quite nice.Make sure you get here early next week before all the Candy Christians.
Later I realized that it was the first significant misunderstanding about Christianity that I had. While it was probably a nice double-meaning to the statement, in context it meant to reject the commercialism of Christmas and focus on the True Meaning.
On the latter: I was a little old for it (feeling quite mature for my age), but I wasn't opposed to Halloween or candy. I figured whatever next weekend was (besides also being Christmas Eve and Christmas) it was something exciting I was about to discover. You see, the reason I liked that chapel had very little do do with the building or the religious content of what I learned there. In the military, at that time, you had your choice of religions: Jewish, Catholic or Protestant. All housed in the same building. This fascinated me. I was learning lots about culture and people living all the places that the military dragged us. And this was one more thing. As a "Protestant" we had 4 ministers: an Episcopalian, a Methodist, a Baptist, and a Lutheran. Each one had his own costume that he wore on Sunday (one was rather boring and just wore a suit). Each sermon had a slightly different order and different songs you sang for processionals/recessionals and different ways of doing communion. I truly have no idea which was which, but I loved that it was a little random what you experienced each Sunday. The rotation wasn't a strict "every 4 weeks you're up" -- I have no idea what it depended on, but I like to think it had more to do with the needs of the community being served than something like rock-paper-scissors. I mean, if you were a minister, wouldn't you rather give the Christmas sermon than the sermon in December 18th? So I figured Candy Christians were some sort of new flavor of costumes, rituals and songs. Cool.
In the car on the way home I overheard my parents talking about what time to leave next week based on getting there and getting a seat before the Christmas and Easter Christians.
Oh.
C and E Christians.
Not Candy Christians.
Sigh. I have always had terrible hearing.
But actually, I hold to my original interpretation. Now that I know what brain candy (necessary after a tough day's work; this justifies sitcoms) and eye candy (drool) and (cringe) gym candy is.
Which brings me to January 2011. We bought a membership to the local 24-hour Fitness in November (shoot me now - I hate gyms and desperately prefer to be outside or playing a game - but these damn love handles are so-o-o-o-o-o persistent!!!). The deal was that we had to go at least once a week each (so that when summer comes I can ride my bike ad nasuem and only go to the gym on days were I can't break away from work during daylight).
And in the first couple weeks of 2011 I was dismayed! The gym was packed! A line to check in. No lanes in the pool. No ellipse machines available! Really? They must have 3 dozen! Running into your neighbor during classes...
I hope that this type of gym candy - the people that start their 2011 resolutions with a weight-reduction, fitness-achievement, gym goal - thin out by March. (Who makes new years resolutions? Does anyone keep those for more than a month? Why start in January? Why not start in November? ;-) My original guess was that by Valentine's day they'd be gone. And it did thin out a bit, but the "rush hour" at the gym from 6-7 still leaves me without a monotonous machine to battle with or the last spot under a speaker in a dreaded aerobics class.
The gym candy that I hope continues includes:
- Inappropriately Dressed Petite Asian Woman: The first time I saw her she was wearing a fuschia cable-knit sweater, navy dress pants and maroon loafers. I saw her today and she was wearing a tech-wicking-sports shirt over a one-piece floral swimsuit and some capri Nike pants. A huge upgrade (I am an exercise-wear slut -- love that stuff!). But she was still wearing the loafers. She's so cute!
- Uber Skinny Jump Rope Woman: The first time I saw her I swear my jaw hit the ground. She is thinner than Jaime Lee Curtis and has a similar set to her jaw. She seriously jumped rope in the gym for 10 or more minutes. I might've been able to do that in 5th grade, but today jumping rope for longer than 2 minutes kicks my bootie. I was so impressed!
- Water Bunnies: The elderly women who use the pool to side-step up and down once between each 5-minute hot-tub session. Sounds divine. I'll be there someday too. And I've learned not to use the close lane in the pool because it causes them distress when they have to avoid me and jump the lane ropes.
- Grunting man: The first day I saw him I was on an ellipse machine and was sadly in front of the weight lifting machine where you pull down with your arms from about eye level to your waist. He started with a 45-lb weight on each side -- 90 pounds! He did 15 reps quite easily. I was impressed. Then he added a 45-lb weight to each side -- 180 lbs. Alright. Wow. No problem for Mr. V (his shoulders were at least twice as wide as his waist which was similarly twice as wide as his feet). Then he added another pair of the 45-lbs disks. And another. As the weight added up the grunting started. And got louder with each set. At the 360-level it started to make me uncomfortable because I was sure that even the people even beyond me (people on machines in the next two rows!) could hear. At the 450-level he was grimacing through his teeth and snarling the numbers. It was disturbing. At 560-lbs I think I blushed on his behalf. He was back today. It wasn't any less disturbing but was definitely less amusing.
