It’s All Relative

As I am approaching 40, and starting to feel old, it's always nice of my relatives to remind me that everything is relative (a shout out to my college buddies who thought the Physics 2 lesson on Einstein's theory of relativity applied to all things in the universe -- including emotions, luck, and 5-year plans).

I just got back from a quick trip to see my family at Christmas. To set the background:

• my dad's mom - Dot - is 96. On Boxing Day she ended up getting admitted to the hospital with pneumonia.
  
• my mom's mom - Annie - is 88. She fell and broke her arm recently, then during rehab fell and bruised her back, so she's in a downhill snowball of increasing pain right now.
  
• my niece - Merci - is 6. I love this because there is a 90-year age gap between her and Dot.
  

My folks have been caring for their moms for the last 6+ years. It's noble. It sounds exhausting to me. There's figuring out how to pay for it all (if health insurance sounds confusing try that combined with medicare, veteran's affairs benefits and retirement benefits). There's the emotions involved - from the "you kids are all trying to get your inheritance before I'm even gone" to the "I wish the Good Lord would take me now" to the "no one ever visits me". My dad stops by his mom's place at least 4 days a week. He may not stay long (Dot goes to bed at 7pm most days, so with long hours at work it's hard to get back from work before she's getting ready for bed), but he picks up and delivers all her groceries and does all the laundry. My mom spends 2 hours most days after work with Annie. This boggles my mind - 9 hours at work (with a lunch break that she usually works through), the 1 work commute, then 2 hours talking and playing cards ... when does she eat or sleep or do the insurance thing? Does she do anything for herself? I hope I can handle it with as much grace as my folks when it gets to be my turn to take care of them.

I didn't get to see Dot too much, sadly. I saw her the first morning, but that afternoon was when she had to go to the hospital. She was feeling well enough the third day to see us for a bit. It's tough to talk to her because she won't wear her hearing aids. By the time she got them, she was so used to silence that background noises like the clicking of the car blinker bothered her. So I have to shout, but even then my voice is too soft and it reminds me of a comedy of errors the conversations we do have.

HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?
Yes, lovely.
DID YOU HAVE A NICE LUNCH?
I don't think so.

It almost makes sense, but not quite. As a result, I decided not to let the same thing happen to me. So last year when the doctor said I could maybe use an eyeglass prescription, I decided I should probably get it filled right away. I have to say that I find glasses annoying - and that whole seductive librarian thing I thought would make it fun just isn't all I thought it would be. (sigh)

Moral: Don't wait.

My cousin Les (who is younger than me and in his residency for oncology) flew in to see Annie for a Christmas surprise. Les and I spent most of our days in town with Annie playing cards. One day we showed up and Annie was slumped over in her wheelchair in a dark room. She was in too much pain to move, so she couldn't push the call button to get help. Her oxygen wasn't on - so I'm not really sure why they had the tubes in her nose. I hate to think how long she was sitting there. But I do feel lucky that we walked in at that moment to push the button and get the oxygen back on. And to distract her a bit so she could maybe ignore the pain. So I suppose I don't blame her for saying "I wish the Good Lord would just take me" a half dozen times. On the other days we mostly just played cards or wrote letters for her. I am vaguely wondering what the people who get the letters I wrote for her will think. First there's the handwriting - mine is atrocious and obviously not hers. Then there's the "voice"; if she said "I think I'm going to die in this place" then I wrote "I might be in the rehab unit for a while." Annie has always been a bit of "realist" ("the glass is half empty"). And if she repeated herself (either due to pain meds or the early signs of Alzheimer's, I am not sure which) I wrote something else. If I knew the people, I wrote a note from me to say hi, and if not I wrote about the card games. I wished I'd kept track of how many times she told me to "enjoy being young because getting old isn't all it's cracked up to be". I don't feel like I'm exaggerating to say it was nearing triple digits for the 4 days (probably about 16 hours total) that I was there.

Moral: Enjoy what you have going on right now - tomorrow's going to be a whole different game.

Merci instantly took to Les. She thought it was entirely funny to call him "the doctor in the house": "the doctor in the house will probably knock over the Jenga tower this time!" or "the doctor in the house and I are watching football". This would be followed by peals of giggles. They watched a football game together where he taught her to cheer for the Steelers. She had never seen football but learned how to yell at the TV quickly even if she had no idea what was happening. "You've got to be stronger than those other guys! Go Steelers - Go Steelers - Go Steelers!!!" She still has unending energy - it really is amazing. She gets up at 5:30am and doesn't want to go to bed until 10pm. If only I had that discipline, enthusiasm, and ...well... energy.

Moral: Amuse yourself.
Enthusiasm is contagious. Try it out.

So...thanks to my relatives for the reminder that it's all relative.

Happy 2010 everyone.

Grout Vision

Have you ever had a completely obscure item demand your attention? Something you never noticed before somehow becomes un-missable all of a sudden?

I remember when my parents came out to help me paint the exterior of my new (to me) house (built the same year I was born). And yes, my parents have an odd sense of what's "fun" and how to spend their vacations... For the weeks during which I was trying to pick colors, I suddenly noticed a lot of interesting choices that my neighbors used. Prior to that I'd only really noticed the turquoise house with white trim. And maybe the Jamaican lady's bright pink house. But that also had white trim and wasn't glaring -- the only reason to notice her house was the large number of whirly rainbow kite things in her front yard. Take, for instance, the house in a cul-de-sac down the street: it was an decent mint green which contrasted nicely with the dark wood accents like the porch. The maroon trim also matched nicely with the roof and wood accents. But mint green and maroon as a pairing? Not for me. I got a lot of ideas of what not to do. In the end, I chose something super-boring: tan with forest green trim and a brilliant blue door. (Yes, that might've been the last neighborhood in the entire USA that isn't covenant controlled!)

But that sort of fixation (colors to paint with) seems sorta normal given the project I was taking on...

However, after that project was done, I suddenly focused in on caulking everywhere I saw it: public restroom sinks, the counter at a hole-in-the-wall pizza shop, the shower at an upscale hotel, etc. Caulking is everywhere! I had no idea. Had never even noticed it before. This came about because my dad had me re-caulking several areas on the exterior of my house before we started painting. While I was doing that, he was busy sanding off a water damaged spot on the north-facing wall, resealing it, priming it, etc. I definitely had the easier job. But he finished first. He came over to inspect my work. He burst out, "Tammy, it's a house, not a Picasso! It doesn't have to be a perfect masterpiece!" Apparently I am more of a perfectionist than I thought...

That was more than a decade ago, and while it's not as prevalent now, I still seem to notice other people's caulking jobs than I think most people do...

A week or so ago I got sucked into a project on the guest bathroom. There's a deadline since the guests arrive 12/20. I replaced the faucet (which the directions said would take "approximately 12 minutes" -- it took me 2 days and an additional trip to Lowe's). I mopped the ceiling to get the dirt/mold off that. I ripped out the caulking to replace it (ahem! It needed it - really, I swear! ok, maybe not). In the process I tried whitening the grout with bleach. When that didn't work, I went to Lowe's and bought tools to scrape out all the old grout and re-do that.

So, of course, I've started seeing the grout in the master bathroom and on tiled floors at restaurants. sigh. I'm wondering if I'm replacing my caulking tunnel vision with a grout one... Is that progress?

My Life Since High School: Reader's Digest Version

An old high school friend found me on Facebook. He asked me for a "Reader's Digest" condensed version of my last 20+ years. It was sorta fun to write up (and sorta morbid because it got me thinking about obituaries). Some of this is probably repeat for this audience, but I thought I'd post it -- and you should send me yours too!

School/Work:

· I worked at a book store during college. This was my favorite job ever. If there was a way to make a living at that, I would totally do it. I’m keeping it in mind for when I retire, although I acknowledge that there won’t be any books left in the world by that time. (As an aside, I got an Amazon Kindle for my last birthday and love that too…)

· 1992: Got my BS Aerospace Engineering – but I never used it to be a Rocket Scientist.

· My first “real” job out of college was as an “Engineer” for a company that made for roadside sobriety testing. Then I moved to the software industry since that was taking off. I worked at a dot-com for almost 8 years. I had several desks at that company in several buildings in downtown Denver, and the company had 5 names…but it was all the same group of people. I never got a car as a signing bonus and I didn’t retiresuper-rich at age 24.

· 2001: Was bored being a software developer and talking only to the computer all day long, so got an MBA International Business hoping to move into something where I could talk to actual people. Haven’t really used that either, but I did switch career paths.

· My current job is as a “business analyst” where I write technical software specs, but talk to the client to figure out what it is that they want. It’s my 2nd favorite job – and it pays a lot better. I get to work from home and travel to client sites. This is almost how I pictured my life as a “grown up” – if there were international travel it would 100% (except the part about being a female-James-Bond spy). It’s not as glamorous as I pictured!

Love/Family:

· Best Friend: I am still friends with my high school BFF. Outside of my family she has been my most constant friend/companion.

· College sweetheart: We dated for 5+ years and were married for 10. When we divorced I got my first apartment on my own ever (always had roommates until then).

· Ariel: I had a cat that I got in college outside a local grocery. She lived to be 19. When she passed away this summer, it was the first time I felt I was truly alone in the world. (My mom/dad/brother/grandparents all live in Texas now.)

· Akela: I had a dog, an Alaskan Malamute, that I took through a pet therapy program. We spent 9 months visiting an Alzheimer’s unit in North Boulder every weekend, but the clinical smells and machines made her nervous. So we switched to a halfway house in Boulder for the next 2 years. The whole experience was very rewarding for me (and hopefully the dog and the people we visited).

· Hockey: I picked up roller hockey, then ice hockey during my dot-com years. I’ve broken both wrists (separate incidents) while participating. If I break a 3rd one, I promised my mom I would take up ballroom dancing instead. I’ve played all over Colorado, in Laramie, Las Vegas, Dallas, Reykjavik and Toronto. I missed the Calgary games with one of my wrist injuries. That’s all with my women’s team. I occasionally play co-ed, but don’t travel with them.

· Travel: I’ve gotten to see a bit more of the world (my favorite pastime). I’ve been scuba diving in Bonaire, St. John and Cozumel. I went to Great Britain (Scotland, Wales, England) on a bus tour (gah! – possible preview of retirement travel). I took my brother to Rome, Italy one Thanksgiving. Went to Paris one summer to visit a different friend. Had the chance to move there, but couldn’t make the leap. I visited a friend in New Zealand (Wellington area) this year.

· Road Bike: With my tax return in 2005 I bought a road bike (from a company known for their mountain bikes, if that tells you anything about how I do things). It was on sale and 2 years old (still new on the showroom floor though). My tax return only paid for about half of it. It was the single best investment I’ve ever made. Even though I’m not very good at it, I love riding and in the summer try to take my “lunch” for a couple hours and ride the trails in the Denver Metro. I rode my first organized tour (Elephant Rock – 33 mile road route) this summer.

· Next Chapter: I spent a couple of years “dating as an adult” (without the coercion of high school dances and meeting hundreds of new people in massive college classes) and enjoying being on my own, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I have never really believed in “the one” theory, but last fall I re-met someone I knew years ago and I might be changing my mind…

Bonny Lass

As I see posts all over Facebook and Blogger about what people are thankful for, I decided that I just had to actually sit down and write this blog that's been in my mind for a few months now.

It was late afternoon one day this summer. I'd had a hectic day and really wanted to squeeze in some "me" time. The best (or most enjoyable) way for me to do that is ride my road bike. But it was getting close to when I'd hit darkness and I have no light for my bike plus I just really like being in the sunshine. (I swear I am part plant and photosynthesize.) In the end I decided that it would be motivation. I was going to do my 60-minute route but would have to go all out to beat the streetlights turning on.

Toward the end of my ride I came up to the last of four really awkward road crossings. This one you approach as you're headed down a steep, curvy path and it's a narrow dip in the pavement following a sharp turn that puts you out into the street -- at which point you can look for cars/other obstacles. There was a woman standing exactly in the middle of the sidewalk dip. She was straddling her bike, but looked confused. I stopped to see if she was OK -- but before you think I'm a good Samaritan, I should admit that the other choice I had was to run directly into her.

We had this amazing conversation standing there in our funny little bike-riding outfits straddling our bikes. She's a breast cancer survivor. She spent 3 months debating about buying a bike and hauled several people to the store with her to look at them. She trusted her son's opinion most, but didn't want the bike he liked. So she and I discussed her bike and why it fit her (I think she made the right decision -- even if it was partly based on the fact that she liked the color). She told me her "daughter" (who is not really her daughter but who is married to her nephew) told her to keep her iPod turned down low while riding so she could cross intersections safely. And her other daughter (not sure if this one is a biological daughter or not) said to watch our for scary things. We laughed about that phrase. This daughter has a 3-year old and sometimes lets her "kiddie speak phrases" spill over into her adult conversations. It was an amazing little community she had and I loved hearing all the support and how she'd been using this as part of her breast cancer recovery. Very inspiring. We also compared monthly mileages and routes. We talked about how much riding made us feel free and how we liked being outside and going "fast". Then she asked me something odd:

Do you ever just do something crazy?

Um, well, I've known you about 15 minutes and only because you're blocking the path. You seem cool, but you're also about 15 years older than me. So I'm unsure if our definitions of "crazy" are the same.

Turns out she had a $100 bet with some girlfriends. They had a lunch planned at The Fort. So she mentioned she might just ride out there and back. They scoffed at her since that's probably a 30-40 mile ride (one way) for her. I told her it would be long based on her current mileage, but it totally sounded reasonable. And if she wanted a ride home, couldn't they just throw the bike in the car? I hope she did it. That's not so crazy after all - it was just a new adventure for her.

At that point we realized that it was basically almost dark -- and prior to our chat we'd both been trying to race home to beat the darkness. She said something about it being scary to ride in the dark (guess her daughter knew was she was talking about after all!). So we rode most of the way to her house together and then I peeled off for my last couple blocks. It actually was a little scary riding in the dark...

So I just wanted to share with you all one thing I am thankful for: uplifting chance encounters where you feel like somehow you were supposed to be in that moment even though it was not at all in your plan. A bit wordy, but it's one of my favorite things.

Oh, and you guessed it. Her name is Bonnie.

eBooks (or A Ripple in the Space-Time Continuum)

I love my eBook! I've had it about 8 months now. Why do I love it? Let me count the ways!

1. It's lighter than carrying several books around. I realize it's ridiculous to need to have choices of books on a trip, but I'm neurotic that way. I am fine with going to the store to pick out a new book (love doing that!) but I don't ever want to be caught without a choice of what to read.
   
2. I can download books instantly. Granted my Kindle only works in North America, but before I went to New Zealand earlier this year I simply downloaded 4 or 5 new books. This also allows me to avoid a situation like on my trip to North Carolina a year or so ago. I took my 450-page book that I'd been working on for 3 weeks. I was on page 185. The trip was so awful that I spent so much time delayed at the airport and wasting time in the hotel room (work was a disaster too) that I actually finished the book after 3 days. I surfed the web for the nearest bookstore: there was one locally open from 9-4 (I was on-site from 7:30am-6pm, so that wouldn't work) or a Barnes and Noble down the highway about 25 miles. I went to the grocery store where I had choices of Harlequin Romance or Louis L'Amour. I should've taken the opportunity to broaden my horizons (having never read one of either) but instead I was grumpy about it and decided to "tough it out" by waiting to buy a book at the airport.
   
3. I can search the book easily. I love electronic searches!
   
4. I look up more words that I don't know - because the dictionary is *right there* and I barely have to move a finger to get the answer.
   
5. I can search things on Wikipedia - like when I was recently reading a historical novel and I kept looking up events and people. (I was highly impressed that the author got it right – I mean *I read it on the internet so it must be true*!)
   
6. I can make notes on the fly and highlight stuff I like - and retrieve it later.
   
7. I feel like part of Star Trek when I read it. Seriously - I'm participating in the future! Someday I'll have a flying car too!
   

I would like my eBook even better if it:

1. Had a touch screen.
   
2. Allowed me to share books I purchased with my friends.
   
3. Had a color screen.
   

And guess what? There's one on the market that has some limited capabilities like that!
So by the time I buy my next eBook it will be even cooler! I love competition that benefits the consumer (but that's another topic).

This week I've seen a couple of interesting news stories. In the first it seems that there's a market to *print* books that were only available electronically to-date.

Hewlett-Packard Co., the world's top seller of personal computers and printers, is teaming up with online retailer Amazon.com Inc. to join Internet search leader Google Inc. as the latest entrants in the quirky new market of re-creating digital books as paperbacks.

The concept represents a different type of book recycling, as digital copies created from print get a second life as paperbacks.

MICHAEL LIEDTKE, HP, Amazon to Sell Paperback Versions of E-Books, AP Technology Writer, October 21, 2009

Does that seem odd to anyone else? (Ironic? I don't know anymore – after the controversy of Alanis Morissette's apparently misinformed definition of "ironic" I avoid that word.) I guess it's not really all that odd. I work with companies who "want to go paperless" but then print out every meeting agenda and who are miffed when I tell them the software system they bought from my company only has on-line help. (If you printed out our on-line help it would take 1000+ pages.)

The second article was equally pause-worthy, but for a completely different reason. It almost compared the advent of the eBook with the advent of the Guttenberg Press! Holy Smokes!

On Monday, the Kindle 2 will become the first e-reader available globally. The only other events as important to the history of the book are the birth of print and the shift from the scroll to bound pages. […] In literary terms it's a transbook, by which I mean that it is the book which can contain all books. Why are so many writers so afraid of this staggeringly wonderful possibility? A book is a singular object that can contain many voices, but the transbook has the potential to be a singular object containing all voices. It is not just another kind of media; it is the dream of ultimate text.

Stephen Marche, The Book That Contains All Books, Wall Street Journal, October 18, 2009 (quoted from Amazon's Kindle Blog)

It's not that I disagree. But W-O-W! I totally like the idea of a book which contains all books. It's Escher-esque. It makes me feel like there's been a ripple in the space-time continuum like when Marty McFly started to disappear because his mom started falling in love with him.