Hi, How are you today?

Besides being an Ashley MacIsaac* album title, this is my pet peeve of the day. And before I go too far, I promise to write about something that doesn't bother me in the very near future.

Why must the drive-thru people ask me how I am today? They don't care. It irritates me to leave a question unanswered OR have to say "Fine, thanks, how are you?" and wait for a response. Plus, I have difficulty suppressing the temptation to be a smart alec and say something like, "Well my dog got hit by a bus yesterday**, my boss just yelled at me for something he screwed up**, and it's too windy for a bike ride today, so I'll just have to get chubby by ordering crappy food here and paying for it from the change in my ashtray. How are you today?"

If the fast food joint must prolong my drive-thru experience by adding something pre-recorded*** while the drive-thru host makes change for the car 4 cars ahead of me, then just please say "Hi, thank you for choosing [fast foot chain] today. Go ahead and order when you're ready." Or if really necessary to prolong my wait to interact with an actual human that can actually take my order, maybe add in a blurb for the latest rearrangement of the 7 ingredients available with a nifty new marketing name and tell me it's available to try. But don't ask me if I want one. Questions take longer because I must answer them or seem rude.

Maybe they should just take the human out of the equation at all. They could install a touch-pad ordering system (covered by a rain/snow guard of course). Of course they'd also have to provide a thing of sani-wipes so I can clean off the pad before ordering (think of those wipes at the grocery store so I don't have to share germs with the last person to use the cart). And a conveyor belt/mechanical arm to deliver my food/beverage options. Although, maybe this is asking too much. Even in The Fifth Element, there are still humans involved in the order-taking process. And that film is just about dead-on with how I envision the future.

Just skip the "pleasantries" and get on with getting me my food. I'm very grumpy when not fed. (I submit this as evidence.)

*** I didn't realize these were recorded until today. It never bothered me that a guy said the "Hi" message, and then a woman took my order, and then a guy handed me my food. I figure it takes at least 5 people to complete my order anyways in this day of specialization of skillz. I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere about "How many peeps does it take to make you a Chalupa?" but I'm not feeling particularly clever at the moment.

** Hyperbole

* And let me just say, I love Sleepy Maggie. I wish I could fiddle like that... Or play the guitar like a (bleep) riot... As long as I'm lamenting musical talents I do NOT possess I should probably confess that my mom sold the family piano because neither of us kids showed any talent. She's absolutely right - I didn't really bond with the piano.