Grout Vision

Have you ever had a completely obscure item demand your attention? Something you never noticed before somehow becomes un-missable all of a sudden?

I remember when my parents came out to help me paint the exterior of my new (to me) house (built the same year I was born). And yes, my parents have an odd sense of what's "fun" and how to spend their vacations... For the weeks during which I was trying to pick colors, I suddenly noticed a lot of interesting choices that my neighbors used. Prior to that I'd only really noticed the turquoise house with white trim. And maybe the Jamaican lady's bright pink house. But that also had white trim and wasn't glaring -- the only reason to notice her house was the large number of whirly rainbow kite things in her front yard. Take, for instance, the house in a cul-de-sac down the street: it was an decent mint green which contrasted nicely with the dark wood accents like the porch. The maroon trim also matched nicely with the roof and wood accents. But mint green and maroon as a pairing? Not for me. I got a lot of ideas of what not to do. In the end, I chose something super-boring: tan with forest green trim and a brilliant blue door. (Yes, that might've been the last neighborhood in the entire USA that isn't covenant controlled!)

But that sort of fixation (colors to paint with) seems sorta normal given the project I was taking on...

However, after that project was done, I suddenly focused in on caulking everywhere I saw it: public restroom sinks, the counter at a hole-in-the-wall pizza shop, the shower at an upscale hotel, etc. Caulking is everywhere! I had no idea. Had never even noticed it before. This came about because my dad had me re-caulking several areas on the exterior of my house before we started painting. While I was doing that, he was busy sanding off a water damaged spot on the north-facing wall, resealing it, priming it, etc. I definitely had the easier job. But he finished first. He came over to inspect my work. He burst out, "Tammy, it's a house, not a Picasso! It doesn't have to be a perfect masterpiece!" Apparently I am more of a perfectionist than I thought...

That was more than a decade ago, and while it's not as prevalent now, I still seem to notice other people's caulking jobs than I think most people do...

A week or so ago I got sucked into a project on the guest bathroom. There's a deadline since the guests arrive 12/20. I replaced the faucet (which the directions said would take "approximately 12 minutes" -- it took me 2 days and an additional trip to Lowe's). I mopped the ceiling to get the dirt/mold off that. I ripped out the caulking to replace it (ahem! It needed it - really, I swear! ok, maybe not). In the process I tried whitening the grout with bleach. When that didn't work, I went to Lowe's and bought tools to scrape out all the old grout and re-do that.

So, of course, I've started seeing the grout in the master bathroom and on tiled floors at restaurants. sigh. I'm wondering if I'm replacing my caulking tunnel vision with a grout one... Is that progress?

My Life Since High School: Reader's Digest Version

An old high school friend found me on Facebook. He asked me for a "Reader's Digest" condensed version of my last 20+ years. It was sorta fun to write up (and sorta morbid because it got me thinking about obituaries). Some of this is probably repeat for this audience, but I thought I'd post it -- and you should send me yours too!

School/Work:

· I worked at a book store during college. This was my favorite job ever. If there was a way to make a living at that, I would totally do it. I’m keeping it in mind for when I retire, although I acknowledge that there won’t be any books left in the world by that time. (As an aside, I got an Amazon Kindle for my last birthday and love that too…)

· 1992: Got my BS Aerospace Engineering – but I never used it to be a Rocket Scientist.

· My first “real” job out of college was as an “Engineer” for a company that made for roadside sobriety testing. Then I moved to the software industry since that was taking off. I worked at a dot-com for almost 8 years. I had several desks at that company in several buildings in downtown Denver, and the company had 5 names…but it was all the same group of people. I never got a car as a signing bonus and I didn’t retiresuper-rich at age 24.

· 2001: Was bored being a software developer and talking only to the computer all day long, so got an MBA International Business hoping to move into something where I could talk to actual people. Haven’t really used that either, but I did switch career paths.

· My current job is as a “business analyst” where I write technical software specs, but talk to the client to figure out what it is that they want. It’s my 2nd favorite job – and it pays a lot better. I get to work from home and travel to client sites. This is almost how I pictured my life as a “grown up” – if there were international travel it would 100% (except the part about being a female-James-Bond spy). It’s not as glamorous as I pictured!

Love/Family:

· Best Friend: I am still friends with my high school BFF. Outside of my family she has been my most constant friend/companion.

· College sweetheart: We dated for 5+ years and were married for 10. When we divorced I got my first apartment on my own ever (always had roommates until then).

· Ariel: I had a cat that I got in college outside a local grocery. She lived to be 19. When she passed away this summer, it was the first time I felt I was truly alone in the world. (My mom/dad/brother/grandparents all live in Texas now.)

· Akela: I had a dog, an Alaskan Malamute, that I took through a pet therapy program. We spent 9 months visiting an Alzheimer’s unit in North Boulder every weekend, but the clinical smells and machines made her nervous. So we switched to a halfway house in Boulder for the next 2 years. The whole experience was very rewarding for me (and hopefully the dog and the people we visited).

· Hockey: I picked up roller hockey, then ice hockey during my dot-com years. I’ve broken both wrists (separate incidents) while participating. If I break a 3rd one, I promised my mom I would take up ballroom dancing instead. I’ve played all over Colorado, in Laramie, Las Vegas, Dallas, Reykjavik and Toronto. I missed the Calgary games with one of my wrist injuries. That’s all with my women’s team. I occasionally play co-ed, but don’t travel with them.

· Travel: I’ve gotten to see a bit more of the world (my favorite pastime). I’ve been scuba diving in Bonaire, St. John and Cozumel. I went to Great Britain (Scotland, Wales, England) on a bus tour (gah! – possible preview of retirement travel). I took my brother to Rome, Italy one Thanksgiving. Went to Paris one summer to visit a different friend. Had the chance to move there, but couldn’t make the leap. I visited a friend in New Zealand (Wellington area) this year.

· Road Bike: With my tax return in 2005 I bought a road bike (from a company known for their mountain bikes, if that tells you anything about how I do things). It was on sale and 2 years old (still new on the showroom floor though). My tax return only paid for about half of it. It was the single best investment I’ve ever made. Even though I’m not very good at it, I love riding and in the summer try to take my “lunch” for a couple hours and ride the trails in the Denver Metro. I rode my first organized tour (Elephant Rock – 33 mile road route) this summer.

· Next Chapter: I spent a couple of years “dating as an adult” (without the coercion of high school dances and meeting hundreds of new people in massive college classes) and enjoying being on my own, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I have never really believed in “the one” theory, but last fall I re-met someone I knew years ago and I might be changing my mind…

Bonny Lass

As I see posts all over Facebook and Blogger about what people are thankful for, I decided that I just had to actually sit down and write this blog that's been in my mind for a few months now.

It was late afternoon one day this summer. I'd had a hectic day and really wanted to squeeze in some "me" time. The best (or most enjoyable) way for me to do that is ride my road bike. But it was getting close to when I'd hit darkness and I have no light for my bike plus I just really like being in the sunshine. (I swear I am part plant and photosynthesize.) In the end I decided that it would be motivation. I was going to do my 60-minute route but would have to go all out to beat the streetlights turning on.

Toward the end of my ride I came up to the last of four really awkward road crossings. This one you approach as you're headed down a steep, curvy path and it's a narrow dip in the pavement following a sharp turn that puts you out into the street -- at which point you can look for cars/other obstacles. There was a woman standing exactly in the middle of the sidewalk dip. She was straddling her bike, but looked confused. I stopped to see if she was OK -- but before you think I'm a good Samaritan, I should admit that the other choice I had was to run directly into her.

We had this amazing conversation standing there in our funny little bike-riding outfits straddling our bikes. She's a breast cancer survivor. She spent 3 months debating about buying a bike and hauled several people to the store with her to look at them. She trusted her son's opinion most, but didn't want the bike he liked. So she and I discussed her bike and why it fit her (I think she made the right decision -- even if it was partly based on the fact that she liked the color). She told me her "daughter" (who is not really her daughter but who is married to her nephew) told her to keep her iPod turned down low while riding so she could cross intersections safely. And her other daughter (not sure if this one is a biological daughter or not) said to watch our for scary things. We laughed about that phrase. This daughter has a 3-year old and sometimes lets her "kiddie speak phrases" spill over into her adult conversations. It was an amazing little community she had and I loved hearing all the support and how she'd been using this as part of her breast cancer recovery. Very inspiring. We also compared monthly mileages and routes. We talked about how much riding made us feel free and how we liked being outside and going "fast". Then she asked me something odd:

Do you ever just do something crazy?

Um, well, I've known you about 15 minutes and only because you're blocking the path. You seem cool, but you're also about 15 years older than me. So I'm unsure if our definitions of "crazy" are the same.

Turns out she had a $100 bet with some girlfriends. They had a lunch planned at The Fort. So she mentioned she might just ride out there and back. They scoffed at her since that's probably a 30-40 mile ride (one way) for her. I told her it would be long based on her current mileage, but it totally sounded reasonable. And if she wanted a ride home, couldn't they just throw the bike in the car? I hope she did it. That's not so crazy after all - it was just a new adventure for her.

At that point we realized that it was basically almost dark -- and prior to our chat we'd both been trying to race home to beat the darkness. She said something about it being scary to ride in the dark (guess her daughter knew was she was talking about after all!). So we rode most of the way to her house together and then I peeled off for my last couple blocks. It actually was a little scary riding in the dark...

So I just wanted to share with you all one thing I am thankful for: uplifting chance encounters where you feel like somehow you were supposed to be in that moment even though it was not at all in your plan. A bit wordy, but it's one of my favorite things.

Oh, and you guessed it. Her name is Bonnie.

eBooks (or A Ripple in the Space-Time Continuum)

I love my eBook! I've had it about 8 months now. Why do I love it? Let me count the ways!

1. It's lighter than carrying several books around. I realize it's ridiculous to need to have choices of books on a trip, but I'm neurotic that way. I am fine with going to the store to pick out a new book (love doing that!) but I don't ever want to be caught without a choice of what to read.
   
2. I can download books instantly. Granted my Kindle only works in North America, but before I went to New Zealand earlier this year I simply downloaded 4 or 5 new books. This also allows me to avoid a situation like on my trip to North Carolina a year or so ago. I took my 450-page book that I'd been working on for 3 weeks. I was on page 185. The trip was so awful that I spent so much time delayed at the airport and wasting time in the hotel room (work was a disaster too) that I actually finished the book after 3 days. I surfed the web for the nearest bookstore: there was one locally open from 9-4 (I was on-site from 7:30am-6pm, so that wouldn't work) or a Barnes and Noble down the highway about 25 miles. I went to the grocery store where I had choices of Harlequin Romance or Louis L'Amour. I should've taken the opportunity to broaden my horizons (having never read one of either) but instead I was grumpy about it and decided to "tough it out" by waiting to buy a book at the airport.
   
3. I can search the book easily. I love electronic searches!
   
4. I look up more words that I don't know - because the dictionary is *right there* and I barely have to move a finger to get the answer.
   
5. I can search things on Wikipedia - like when I was recently reading a historical novel and I kept looking up events and people. (I was highly impressed that the author got it right – I mean *I read it on the internet so it must be true*!)
   
6. I can make notes on the fly and highlight stuff I like - and retrieve it later.
   
7. I feel like part of Star Trek when I read it. Seriously - I'm participating in the future! Someday I'll have a flying car too!
   

I would like my eBook even better if it:

1. Had a touch screen.
   
2. Allowed me to share books I purchased with my friends.
   
3. Had a color screen.
   

And guess what? There's one on the market that has some limited capabilities like that!
So by the time I buy my next eBook it will be even cooler! I love competition that benefits the consumer (but that's another topic).

This week I've seen a couple of interesting news stories. In the first it seems that there's a market to *print* books that were only available electronically to-date.

Hewlett-Packard Co., the world's top seller of personal computers and printers, is teaming up with online retailer Amazon.com Inc. to join Internet search leader Google Inc. as the latest entrants in the quirky new market of re-creating digital books as paperbacks.

The concept represents a different type of book recycling, as digital copies created from print get a second life as paperbacks.

MICHAEL LIEDTKE, HP, Amazon to Sell Paperback Versions of E-Books, AP Technology Writer, October 21, 2009

Does that seem odd to anyone else? (Ironic? I don't know anymore – after the controversy of Alanis Morissette's apparently misinformed definition of "ironic" I avoid that word.) I guess it's not really all that odd. I work with companies who "want to go paperless" but then print out every meeting agenda and who are miffed when I tell them the software system they bought from my company only has on-line help. (If you printed out our on-line help it would take 1000+ pages.)

The second article was equally pause-worthy, but for a completely different reason. It almost compared the advent of the eBook with the advent of the Guttenberg Press! Holy Smokes!

On Monday, the Kindle 2 will become the first e-reader available globally. The only other events as important to the history of the book are the birth of print and the shift from the scroll to bound pages. […] In literary terms it's a transbook, by which I mean that it is the book which can contain all books. Why are so many writers so afraid of this staggeringly wonderful possibility? A book is a singular object that can contain many voices, but the transbook has the potential to be a singular object containing all voices. It is not just another kind of media; it is the dream of ultimate text.

Stephen Marche, The Book That Contains All Books, Wall Street Journal, October 18, 2009 (quoted from Amazon's Kindle Blog)

It's not that I disagree. But W-O-W! I totally like the idea of a book which contains all books. It's Escher-esque. It makes me feel like there's been a ripple in the space-time continuum like when Marty McFly started to disappear because his mom started falling in love with him.

Stress and the Inner Valley Girl

I've missed you. I've missed blogging. I've thought about things to say...but my work (which hit a slower period when my first client of the year went live in March) has been C_R_A_Z_Y! Or normal. Really the slower period that allowed me to think and breathe and relax was atypical.

I wanted to write about a piece I've been going over in my mind on my bike ride -- hopefully I will get to that later this week.

But here's today's ... boggle ... I guess, is a good word.

1. I ordered a bottle of wine with my take-away dinner. The hotel bar tender asked "how many glasses?" I said "one". You would think this was unheard of! (Is New Jersey dry? Or is it, like, part of a northern Bible Belt? Maybe I missed that somewhere...) I was planning to consume it over my entire stay here. After I got back to my room I remembered that I only stay here 2 nights...even though this trip lasts through Thursday. I have to fly to the next location on Wednesday. Maybe he had a point. It's already half gone, though, and I think I'll have just one more tiny little glass before I go to bed...
2. I TOTALLY thought that it would be SO COOL to be that super-smart business person that hops between cities consulting with clients and solving problems. This combines a couple things I like: travel and problem-solving. But now that I at least travel and problem solve I feel sorta disillusioned. I never feel super-smart or like I save the day. The client always wants something my company's product won't quite do. And it really is a lot of effort to convince them that my way is so much better and really is what they wanted even though they didn't know it. It's just not that glamorous! (siiiighhhh)
3. Plus, let me just say that I somehow missed the trip to Hawaii even though I helped with that client. Instead, I, like totally, get to go to rad places like Cincinnati, Salisbury (SC), Burlington, St.Paul, etc. Nothing wrong with any of them - they all had their own adventure (remind me to tell you about the 3-alarm hotel in Cincinnati sometime) and I think I might be stora glad I made to all of them. Fer sure.

Anywhooooo - back to why I need a bottle of wine:

1. The trip started by getting a center seat on the plane. (Like, no WAY!)
2. Then I watched a woman stow her wheelie bag in the overhead bin, walk 4 more rows and stow her other carry-on in the bin across from my seat. (Which totally explains why there usually aren't any places left for my rollie bag!!!) THEN she sat NEXT TO ME and ate her smelly sandwich. EEEWWWW!
3. Upon arriving at Newark I had this total deja vu...I guess from a previous business trip to Mahwah. That's like a whole other story.
4. My fellow Business Analyst told me "it's really easy - just take the shuttle from the airport to the hotel". I asked an information person for the way to the hotel shuttles. He told me there weren't any. Um, so, like, what? So, ok. I'll just ask someone else. They told me to take the train. Back to that Mahwah thing...I did that then and got my entire party lost and the little conductor guy got mad at me for missing my stop. Then he stood by me until the next stop to make sure I AND my party got off his train. Lousy conductor guy. Not even cute.
5. Anyway I do take the NJ Transit and after the 3rd train get to the station at the town listed on the hotel address. But, like, guess what? The hotel isn't really in that town. Like how's that even possible? Rat-friggin' bas....nevermind. I give up, call the hotel and order them to send the shuttle.
6. A car shows up. Black. No stickers. Guy hops out. Says "you need a ride?" Did I happen to mention that by this point it's totally DARK and I'm completely frustrated? Do I get in this car? Did I mention that the book I was reading while I was waiting was a mystery/thriller about serial killers? Then he says "you're going to the Marriott, right?" So either that's an amazing coincidence (or maybe it's the only hotel in town and I do have luggage with me) or he's my ride. My stress level is nearing the "high" marker. Whatever.
7. This hotel doesn't have room service. What the?!?

And, in re-reading this, apparently when I vent, I resort back to the Valley Girl talk I so carefully emulated in 6th grade -- from all my cool friends that were newly-arrived from the States and totally in the know of what was happenin'!

Broking: not just a funny word

I learned a new word today. My company strives for "broking excellence" in the insurance brokerage market (I don't really know what that is - I have a lot to learn, even though I've been here 3 years -my job is related to a different branch of the company).

Although, I guess Merriam-Webster recognizes it as a word:

Main Entry: bro·king Function: noun Date: 1569 chiefly British : the business of
a broker : brokerage

The business of broking sounds a lot like Wall Street trading to my uneducated ear. There are big centers around the world, with open cubicle format and big monitors on the walls showing current quotes/prices and such.

At any rate...I started out thinking "broking" was a funny word, but ended up feeling overwhelmed by an industry I didn't know existed that's actually related to the paycheck I bring home.

Frosting Deprivation – then Backlash!

This summer I went to a birthday party for a person that doesn't like cake. This is a completely foreign concept to me, by the way. At the time I was sorta happy to not have the calories. But over the next couple weeks I kept thinking about frosting – which is the real reason I like cake. You can't just have frosting, coincidentally, you have to have cake to anchor the frosting – and it allows you to pleasurably consume more frosting if you have cake than if you were just eating frosting out of the jar. Not that I've done that – oh no, never, never. Ok, maybe once or twice. Or that I've conducted a scientific study. But I am pretty sure I'm right about this frosting stuff. I have a lot of experience.

At any rate, I went to a lunch at P.F. Chang's with some girlfriends. They have those mini-desserts. After lunch, I ordered first and I asked for two: the velvet cake and the chocolate one. You should've seen the look on the face of the girl across from me. "I didn't know you could order more than one!"
she blurted. I giggled, but honestly, I don't think mine is a revolutionary idea…no one likes to be limited, do they? Both the desserts I ordered have plenty of icing.

About a week later I found myself dog sitting for some friends. I went to the store to buy myself some snacks and found myself in front of a single-sized serving of carrot cake. Coincidence? Probably not. Here's the cake before I consumed it – look at that frosting-to-fork ratio!

I was surprised that I couldn't eat the whole thing in one sitting – and not even in a single day. I would normally say that's a sign of maturity and growing up…but I really don't think a mature person would still eat so much of the cake that they feel icky. Granted I felt slightly better after complaining on FaceBook that I ate too much frosting. But it didn't stop me from finishing the cake the next day (and getting a minor sugar rush/wooziness all over again). 

I must conclude from this experience that I should've had cake the day of the birthday party because I had thought about it so much that my body needed it.  In the end that would've saved me a lot of calories.

The moral of the story is: even if you don't like cake, people expect birthday cake at a birthday party. (So please have mercy on us and have cake anyways!)

Memory Lapse (High School)

I found myself in one of those situations where I was feeling disgruntled and simultaneously appalled that I was feeling that way. Does that happen to you?

A high school buddy "friended" me on FaceBook and his profile picture showed someone I didn't really recognize. I was vaguely offended that this person had "gone on" with his life and visibly aged – that they didn't fit into the mold or the image I still held of him. At the same time, it was cool to see that he'd turned out totally different than I expected and that he seemed super happy. Really, this was a minor player in my high school life (and never a romantic interest). It's akin to the feeling I have when my cousins (who were 2 when I met them) started driving, or graduated high school or (gasp) got married. It's jarring and elating all at once.

So it got me thinking specifically about high school. I HATED high school. Or, more specifically I HATED Greeley. I've basically blocked a lot of that experience from my mind, I think. For example, in the last few months the following events came up:

• A friend says I wrote letters to him one summer that he spent out of state. While writing letters to an acquaintance that is out of state is definitely something I would've done as a teenager, I had no recollection of this until he produced the letters.
  
• Another friend emailed me that "every time I hear Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard, I think of sitting on your kitchen floor and singing that at the top of our lungs". I can totally see us doing this – because we were
  HOT (so hot), Sticky Sweet! From [our] heads to [our] feet! Yeah!
  But again, I have absolutely no recollection of it.
  
• I found this picture of me on FaceBook:
  

  
  
  

Don't I look like I'm happy and carefree and obnoxious? Even though they seem totally in character with how I remember myself during that time, I just don't remember those moments. I do, however, remember just about everything since the minute I left Greeley.

There were certainly some good things that came of my time in Greeley (my best friend to this day, my brother and I learned to drive, my parents were the happiest I'd seen them in a while, I learned how to survive in "typical America", etc.) but I counted the minutes until I could leave.

I moved to college in the fall of 1988 and spent the next year coming back to Greeley on the occasional weekend to visit my mom and brother. When my dad came back from his remote tour and the family moved to New York State, I gave Greeley the double-bird in the rearview mirror and avoided it for the next several years.

I remember the first time I was asked to go back and do something fun with a friend. I really didn't want to, but it was important to her so eventually I said I'd go. She drove. When we got to the old section of town, my body had a physical reaction – my throat closed up, I gulped for air and hyper ventilated. But it largely turned out to be anticlimactic. So I got to thinking maybe it was really just my issue. In fact many of my high school buddies still lived there – and were raising their families there.

There are some obvious superficial reasons that I disliked Greeley almost immediately when we moved there:

• I was in High School in Las Vegas. But in Greeley, 9^th grade was still Jr. High. (Huge insult at 14!)
  
• In Las Vegas I had 6 classes – including computers!!!
  
• In Greeley I had to take 7 classes AND they didn't have a computer class (what sort of backwards place was this to not have computers in the mid-1980s?!?). So I had to pick 2 classes to join mid-semester that I didn't think I would fail. So I took Home Ec (my male counselor seemed to think I could handle that) and French 2 (since I was in French 3 by the time we left Germany, I figured this was safe, plus the counselor wouldn't let me go higher than that without some sort of testing despite what my transcript said).
  
• Everyone in Greeley had lived there for a lifetime. This was unfathomable to me. I actually had someone tell me "don't talk to him; he wet his pants in the 3^rd grade". So, apparently a single mistake in an entire lifetime would never be forgiven AND I was lacking a lifetime of history which would tell them who I "really" was. This was completely foreign to a kid that moved every 2 years on average.
  

And a couple reasons I was slow to let go of my prejudice:

• I got to read Romeo and Juliet for the 3^rd time (and in my third school).  Lucky me - but my essay was easy to "write"...
  
• I took all the math (my favorite subject) my school even offered by the end of my junior year, but if I'd lived on the "better" side of town I could've gone to a high school that offered Calculus.
  
• My Speech/Semantics teacher thought it was appropriate to let 2 students use the PA-system for their project. These two students had the principal announce that there had just been a shooting in the front drive and that the school was on lock-down. They used the next 10 minutes to observe our communication and then presented on "the language of duress" or some nonsense. Note that this is a good decade+ before Columbine. Nevermind that I'd actually lived through something similar when we were overseas (but with unknown foreign terrorists to blame, not American teenagers). After class I told the teacher about that incident and that I sincerely hoped she lost her job. I didn't follow through on going to the principal though – after a little reflection he was also without the ability to judge appropriateness (since he was a participant).
  

There were some other less obvious reasons:

• A girlfriend of mine was raped by one of her sister's friends at a party her older sister threw when the parents were out of town.
  
• Another girlfriend was raped while walking home from cheerleading practice.
  
• Another friend's mom got a restraining order against her dad when they moved out. Eventually my friend and her mom just left town in the middle of the night with no forwarding address. We did hear from them later…but several months later.
  
• One of my girlfriends had her mom and dad start charging her rent the day she turned 18. This was mid-way through our senior year. Who does that?
  

I'm not saying these things don't happen. I think one of my biggest issues with Greeley is that it was billed as "an all-American town – the perfect place to raise a family". It's not like a "big city" where everyone universally accepts that "bad things" happen.

Beneath the lovely veneer Greeley was insidious and creepy. I always get the image of the witch in Snow White when I think about this… At this point, Greeley's grown enough that its creepiness would be expected, in my unsolicited opinion. Or maybe it's just me – and my trite coming-of-age experience.

Thanks… (or “The Cast of Characters”)

On my long ride this weekend, I got to thinking about why it is that I get so frustrated with wasting time. I've been frustrated that it took me so long to get out of a relationship that wasn't great for me…and with not trusting my instincts on several occasions in relationships. My only real conclusion was that lame saying about "you have to have the bad to appreciate the good." Aside from that drivel, I realized I did learn a few things along the way – and that there have been a lot of people in my life who've taught me something whether I wanted to learn it or not.

I think that all of these concepts have put me in the spot I am today…and losing Ariel seemed like a good place to review it all. So I think, in short, that I need to stop wasting time being annoyed about wasting time (yes, I get the irony there)! I'm in a good spot now.

Family

The 'rents: A constant in my life. Always pro-Tamma even when they tell me I'm not doing it right. I'm very fortunate here.

Bro: True ally in learning to navigate life – when we were military brats, when we were trying to figure out life in the USA and small-town America (mind boggling!), and in learning how to integrate life outside the nest with our upbringing. And I had a fabulous time touring Rome with you – even if your idea of being a tourist didn't include the Coliseum or the Vatican. Eating/drinking our way through a week was fabulous!

SO's

Irv: I will never be happy in a relationship where there's not a lot of physical contact/affection. Sadly, I had to learn this one again. (I am a slow learner.) I always fall in love intellectually, but I am never happy with only the intellectual connection.

Zog: Communication and expectations. We spent so much time together that it seemed like we really should be able to read each other without speaking. But that's just not how it works. (sigh) Thanks for all the work we did learning about how to communicate. And along the way it opened my eyes to what I expected the world to be – and how that was so different from most of the people around me. And thanks for getting me into playing hockey – it's been a conversation starter in so many areas.

RBS: You deciphered the "blank look" that has plagued me for years. I could've avoided a lot of frustration if I'd figured that out before. Now I'm learning to use that as my poker face. ;-)

Rico: Even if it was all a "what if" scenario you reminded me to dream big. And I love how different our outlooks are – I am constantly learning from you.

Alan: You believed in me and got me started on a new career path. I am so happy to no longer be a code monkey! I would be dreading every day still if I had to write code all day and not occasionally talk to a real live person without having to first read up on the latest Java lingo. You helped me pick out/buy my road bike and are largely responsible for my current obsession with riding. I liked to ride my bike before, but became addicted once I got a really fast bicycle. Thanks for pushing me to that next level. It helps immensely with my ability to deal with the world.

Chix

Becca: A constant in my life. Always pro-Tamma even when I'm being an idiot. And usually not afraid to tell me I'm being an idiot. Honorary sister, really.

Calle: My partner in crime! I wish I'd met you years ago – we've had great adventures and have more ideas for adventures than I think we'll be able to squeeze into this lifetime. We have so many similar interests and life occurrences it's a little unreal sometimes. But let's keep it that way – always push the envelope!

 

…and the fine print

This is by no means an exhaustive list. It's simply as far as I got during my 3-hour ride…and as much as I can remember now that I'm back in front of the computer. My brain is super-dinky.

And, while I know you're significant, Iggy, I don't know what your bottom line contribution to my life is yet. It's easier to see that when it's either existed for a lifetime or it's over and done with. I'm by no means ready to be "over and done with" our time… Thanks for the last week – I know in reality that I was a bit melodramatic over a cat, but you get the concept of her being part of my family too. And this was a review of my past, not my present or future. ;-)

In Memoriam

When we first “adopted” you outside of King Soopers Grocery, you and your sister could sit on top of a medium pizza box!

I remember you meeting Akela and telling her who was boss.  And not really believing that we needed another dog when we got the puppy.

I liked the expression you had when Akela would hold your head in her mouth—and you had to walk around with crusty hair until you could find a place to clean your fur.  I could almost see you roll your eyes.

Although, to be fair, Akela wouldn’t let any other dogs chase you (you were HER cat) and she did save your life once.

I remember our battle over you being an indoor cat.  You were so determined that I once accidentally caught your tail in the door as I was carrying in the groceries! :( The vet fixed that though—and even if your tail became one vertebra shorter than normal it looked OK.

You were a radio-active cat once!  And you had to stay at the vet for a few days until your levels were “safe”… But it worked and the hyperthyroid issue never bothered us again.

The school bus driver once stopped because you were following Akela and I on our walk.  She wanted to know if you followed me on all my walks.  You usually did.  But when it was time to come home, you would lie down and meow at me to carry you back.  I guess that’s fair — your legs were much shorter than either mine or the dog’s...so it was probably like walking a marathon for you.

The neighbor across the street asked if I could keep you inside on their wedding day because you were apparently in the habit of leaving them presents (little mice) on the doormat.  And they didn’t want to have to clean that up when they were in their fancy clothes.  You used to leave me presents by my truck if I had scolded you for something.  You used to leave GW presents by his jeep if he scolded you.  I assume the presents on the front door mat were for Akela.

Although there were small squirrels and rabbits in addition to the plethora of mice you left us in your lifetime, probably the most impressive “present” was the hummingbird.  And all that without front claws!  I used to joke that if you had front claws we’d find the mountain lion on the front doorstep sometime.

You were very snuggly and loved people.  The vet always commented on this.  And you were a great comfort to me when I broke my wrist (both times) and especially when I moved out.

We had a good run—19 years!  I miss you.

Wordle

I changed the image on my blog to be a word cloud (thanks to some help from http://www.wordle.net/). I love word clouds. This one is based on my blog content.

A couple of things I notice about me:
o I apparently have medium-strong tendency to use both the words "naked" and "nekkid"
o I use "really" more than I thought I did -- but "like" doesn't appear that often (where did the valley-girl talk go?!?)
o I ask for "directions" more than I thought, but then I do spend a lot of time on "Street"s (heehee)

I've always heard that it's interesting what the writing process teaches you about yourself!

San Diego Zoo

First - if you are staying at a hotel with shared bathrooms, please lock the door when you are using one. Please. Thank you.

Now, on to the day. I can see why the San Diego Zoo is "world renowned". My only complaint was that some of the viewing areas are a bit cramped.

I don't actually have any funny stories, but I'll leave you with a couple pictures.

I think this business is hysterically named...if I lived here, I would definitely be a patron...

Did I mention that our hotel is underneath the landing path for the San Diego airport?

The bridge (Laurel St) across the highway and into Balboa Park.

In Balboa Park, there a water lily garden.

While we were watching one of the polar bears play by the glass, another of the polar bears decided to pounce! There was a tremendous splash and then some wrestling. Very fun to see.

Watch out - they foam at the mouth! And I hear they spit too!

Very cute...

I love otters.

Probably the coolest thing I saw today - I've never seen a real, live koala before. Here's one with her "joey". All the koalas were sleeping. Apparently they sleep about 20 hours per day...I think that's as much as my cat!

I really liked the Elephant Odyssey - it took you through what we can learn about extinct animals based on the descendants living today. I also like the "W" in this picture.

European Accommodations

...in San Diego! I didn't pay a lot of attention when I booked this trip because it was in the middle of some really busy times at work. So I sorta found something that looked OK and went with it. It said "European Style Hotel"...and I thought "how fun!"

The hotel is nice...but the room is super dinky! It actually reminds me of when I was in Iceland (I guess that's part of Europe). It has small single-sized beds (I would swear they are smaller than twin beds...but maybe I am just a bit bigger than the last time I stayed in a twin bed) and you share a shower and water closet (no bidet though!) with the rest of the floor. (Although, to be fair, in Iceland we had private bathrooms and showers in the rooms.) Luckily the shower is a one-at-a-time deal with a lock on it so I don't have to feel like I'm back in college sharing a floor with 50 of my closet friends whose names I don't know!

Did I mention that it is ALWAYS an adventure of some sort to travel with me? (Luckily this time there were no airport or airplane incidents unless you count the squabbling siblings sitting in the row behind us.)

...you can do that?

So...recently I saw a young kid texting while riding his bike.  I thought he was super talented.  I can't do that -- I typically stop to text while riding.  Occasionally I'll take a call, but let's face it, I ride so fast that it's hard to hear over the wind.* 

A couple of days later, when I was forced to take a new route due to road construction (grrr), I saw this picture on in the bike lane:

I thought this was an amazing talent - certainly one I don't possess.  It reminded me of this scene from The Chase (1994) with Charlie Sheen (start around the 3 minute mark).

So I just want to take a minute to give a quick shout out to the person that put the template on backwards on the day that the road repainting happened. I giggled all day. It reminded me of the "not my job" picture.

* not sure if you can get the sarcasm there...I'm not really that fast.

Bar(r)e Nekkid

I’ve been sorta in denial about this business trip. I booked it late enough that I got yelled at by Corporate for not booking at least 8 days in advance. So after rubbing elbows* on the plane with highly important people, I was even less skeptical about how much fun this trip was going to be. As my final flight is landing I pull out my itinerary again and this time look at the hotel page.

As I mentioned, I booked my travel myself. But other than the flight being into the right city and at times I prefer (given that I have to go at all) I didn’t really pay much attention to picking out the rental car or the hotel. I called the 2 hotels recommended by the client I’m visiting and found out they were booked, so I did a zip code search. But there were no hotels in the zip code my client is in, so I chose one about 10 miles from the office address. At this moment I notice I am staying in the town of Barre.

Barre? Like as in ‘Bare’ without the extra ‘R’? Is it worth examining my feelings to determine how I feel about a business trip to a town named after being nekkid? I am pro-nekkid, for sure, but haven’t I heard that one should “never mix business and pleasure”?

I get to Bar(r)e and take a right, as per my instructions, on what looks to be the only major street. I am feeling pretty good as I see this is N Main Street and my directions also say to find the hotel at 173 S Main Street. I see couples out strolling and eating ice cream cones. I glance at the clock on the car, but it confirms what I already know – it’s almost midnight. Then I wonder what time zone my car is from (since it clearly wasn’t cleaned on the inside – gross, gross, gross – they probably didn’t reset the clock). But my cell phone (which has decided to jump back in with the “in crowd” and auto-update it’s time zone when it changes on) says it’s 11:52pm as well.

Wait, what the? This is Washington Street! I was clearly on N Main Street and I didn’t make a turn. I wonder if I am going north instead of south.

I have no idea since it’s pitch black and I gather there are trees everywhere and no one believes in leaving store signs on or putting street lights on streets here. So I make a U-turn and drive all the way back to where I started and a little further. But that side of N Main Street has a different street name as well. So I stop at a gas station for directions. (Finally! Something open after midnight is this place!) I instantly love the woman cashier purely because she knows where the glorious Days Inn Barre is. Her directions are priceless and I think I love her even more:
- Go back the way you came
- At the statue of the naked man veer right (if you keep going straight you fall off Main Street)
- Go through 3 lights and up a hill
- When you run into a brick wall, turn right – that’s the Days Inn.

Check -– naked guy, uphill, brick wall, motel! How fitting that the town of Bar(r)e has a naked man statue for a landmark. (For the record I saw the statue, but didn’t realize it was nekkid until she pointed it out.)

I find the motel with no issues (really, how could I not with those directions?). But since I’ve had the audacity to arrive after 11pm at night, when clearly all good people are strolling around outside eating ice cream, my room keys are taped to the office door. Holy Moley! In any other place I’ve been I think there’d be either
.....(a) a serial killer in my room
.....(b) a dead body in my room
.....(c) cameras hidden in my room
Or at least
.....(d) a party in my room
by now. I am vaguely amazed to find none of these, but to be honest, I didn’t even check for (c) so if you see nekkid pix of me on the web that’s where they come from.

Today as I was leaving the office, I asked my client, “So how do you say this?” and show them the name of the town.

“Bear-ee.”

As in White? Manilow? Rasp-? That pronunciation never even occurred to me. I am sure this says something embarrassing about my psyche…sigh.


* Why do I never get seated next to women? Why is it that the men I seem to sit next to assume that because their shoulders are broader they have the rights to the armrests? Why did I not remember that I find it creepy when the shirt of the random guy next to me tickles my arm? Why did I not wear long sleeves? Why am I so grumpy?

Memory Rocks but Diamonds Suck

Iggy and I went stayed a night at The Stanley Hotel last weekend. It's supposedly the inspiration for Stephen King's book The Shining (even though the intro in the book expressly says it isn't) and the indoor hotel scenes from Dumb and Dumber were filmed there. It's a nifty old hotel, and I would recommend staying if you like that sort of thing.

While you're there, if you want to watch the movie version with Jack Nicholson, The Shining plays in a continuous loop on channel 42 (I think). So apparently I am not the first person with the idea of staying there and watching the movie to see if it creeps me out...and made bringing along the portable DVD player superfluous.

We arrived at the hotel just as the last ghost tour was leaving for the day. We had the option (at 5x the price) to go on the nightly ghost hunt, but alas, we had dinner reservations. So we opted for the ghost tour after a leisurely brunch the next morning.

I learned some interesting things:

• There are different kinds of hauntings. Residual hauntings are like movies played back and don't interact with you. Interactive hauntings can...well...interact with you.


• Ghosts show up as orbs of light on pictures.


• Certain rocks or geologic formations are conducive to residual hauntings. Of course, The Stanley sits on 4 of the best rocks for this. And it has no formal foundation to get in the way, so the rocks touch the building giving the building even more ... receptiveness? ... to residual replays.


• Certain energy (notably magnetic fields) increase the ability of hauntings to present themselves. This is why when F.O. Stanley built his own generator, the place was double primed to receive paranormal activity.


• Lucky for the current owners, The Stanley was a vacation spot. Thus, there are only happy ghosts there because the people who were staying there were rich, happy, and banished the kids to the 4th floor for their entire stay. What better way to relax and party? If I were the current owners, I would blame everything that went wrong on the happy ghosts playing a prank and charge you more for the experience.
  
  You only have cold water? That must be Matilda! She used to do that to the governor when he stayed just to get a rise out of him. I'll check with maintenance, but I bet there's plenty of hot water still for everyone.
  
  You kept hearing knocking on your window? Really?!? Aren't you lucky! That's our most elusive ghost - Hank! He was one of the summer help and he loved to do that on the night of the summer bonfire after all the guests had gone to sleep -- of course he told his ghost story at the bonfire so the guests were subconsciously thinking of ghosts! Isn't that funny -- a ghost of a young lad pretending to be a ghost?

I made up the Matilda and Hank stories, but that rest of that is the truth! If I got some of the other (more serious) details wrong, I apologize; I wasn't taking notes. I was just along for the ride and now can't get the idea of rocks with memories of ghosts out of my head. This made me remember way, way, way back when I was a poor undergrad with no cash and working part-time at a book store. I came across a book that actually said diamonds attract negative feelings. I remember thinking "I knew there was a reason I didn't like diamonds" -- which, if nothing else, sets me apart from 90% of all my female contemporaries. (And 76% of statistics are made up on the spot, right?)

I tried to find that folk lore about diamonds attracting negative energy on the web too. But wouldn't you know that most stuff on the web says that diamonds have good qualities??? But I did find this:

The Hindus believed that a flawed diamond, or one containing specks or spots, was so unlucky that it could even deprive Indra of his highest heaven. The original shape of the stone was also considered of great importance, more especially in early times, when but few, if any, diamonds, were cut. A triangular stone was said to cause quarrels, a square diamond inspired the wearer with vague terrors; a five-cornered stone had the worst effect of all, for it brought death; only the six-cornered diamond was productive of good.

~ The Curious Lore of Precious Stones, George Fredrick Kunz

So at least certain shapes of diamonds are bad luck (be careful when you pick out your engagement ring - no one wants to be deprived of heaven or inherit quarrels, terrors, or gasp! death)! Then I hit pay-dirt on Amazon.com -- this is actually from that book I found back in the early 1990s!

When you hold a diamond, it can feel cold to your touch. This is because of the high thermal conductivity, whereupon it can suck into itself the warmth of your body. It possesses a high psychic energy as well and can easily magnetize into it radiant fields thoughts and actions. Due to this great absorption power, you should clean your diamonds often to rid them of any negative energies that they might have taken in. Soak your diamond for at least an hour in an ionic solution of a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of baking soda, dissolved in eight ounces of water. Rinse well. Your diamond will feel better and shine brighter.

~ Stone Power, Dorothee Mella, p.84

But how often do I need to clean my diamonds? I also like the use of big words like "conductivity" and "whereupon" followed closely by the ultra-technical "suck into itself".

Anyways...I want to believe in ghosts and rocks with memory and that certain minerals/gems/items have power to help me through my day. Or that, like Patrick Roy, stepping over the red and blue lines on the ice helps me play better. Really, I do.


~~~~~
I did some other web surfing on the interesting things I heard on the tour. In case you're interested:
o Orbs are just dust spots on your camera lens Personally I am disappointed with that article. While I don't want to be like the fanatical guy on our tour who kept talking about all the ghost tours he'd been on and the strange things he personally had experienced, I like the idea of ghosts being orbs of light. And even better if they show up on pictures that way. (Admittedly, the fanatical guy did make me interested in going on a ghost tour next time I'm in Las Vegas.)
o Stanley Hotel - Ghost Hunters video
o Geology and Ghosts

Hyjacked Lyrics

I got gnats in my cleavage
what am I gonna do
I'm gonna get those gnats
That's wot I'm gonna do

I LOVE that UB40 song!

~ from an email from Calle that made me laugh out loud

How Many Calories in a Gnat?

I'm wondering because I think I might've consumed half the Gnat Population in the State of Colorado on my bike ride today. Before you scold me for breathing through my mouth, let me just say I really do try to remember to use my nose. It's just that for, say, 30 years before I figured out that daily prescription allergy medication actually let me breathe like "normal" people I had developed this habit. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, I tell you!

I also remembered why I like to zip up my bike jersey to the very tippy-toppy zipper tooth today too. If I had done that, a small colony of the remaining Gnats of Colorado wouldn't have set up residence in that little valley on my upper front torso (you know -- between the ...cough! er, ahem, well, the ta-ta's). You would think I would remember this lesson after last summer's wasp incident.

Let me digress for a moment. Indulge me, please. As much as I like to pretend that I am a tomboy, truthfully I am a girly-girl. I used to have the honor of living with two Alaskan Malamutes. One was quite the mighty huntress. Once she dove through the snow while we were snowshoeing and came up with a live chipmunk/pika/small-moutain-squirrel thing. Another time she came in from the back yard with her very own deceased ground hog (apparently the TOY groundhog I bought her was insufficient for entertainment). Both times I instinctively let out this high-pitched shriek and both times the dog dropped what was in her mouth and looked at me like "what? you don't like what I brought you for dinner?" She was very put out with me and gave me the cold shoulder for a while each time. These aren't the only times it happened, but for some reason I remember those the best.

Back to last summer. I was mountain biking with a friend up Waterton Canyon. He was behind me on the trail as we were descending back to the start/parking lot. I saw a wasp just as it got sucked into that valley I mentioned earlier. Here's how I remember that incident:

Ohmigod! A Wasp!
Maybe it will fly out! No! Oh NO! Oh @#$#$-@*^%$!!! It's stuck in my sportsbra! WHAT IF IT STINGS ME THERE? Ewwww! Get it out!
EEE-ee-EEEEE-E-E-eeeeeeee! All while gently slamming on the brakes because I was aware I was on a gravel patch and I didn't want both a wasp sting and road rash. After a decent stop where the bike falls to the ground as I leap off and simultaneously rip my jersey off, I start tugging at my sportsbra unconcerned if anyone gets a free show. Luckily before I'm done with this little strip-tease move the wasp manages to fly out before dislodging his stinger. My virtue (if not my dignity) remains intact.

Here's how my friend remembers that incident:

You did make a rather sudden stop and ripped off your shirt like that soccer chick. But I didn't hear you scream. You seemed very calm and methodical. Like "oh, so hey, there's this little bug in my shirt." Not like "YIKES! THERE'S SOMETHING WITH A STINGER NEXT TO MY BOOBS!"

So, from this I must conclude that only dogs can hear me scream. I knew my voice was high. Remember that I have a job where I work from home? Most people ever only talk to me on the phone. There's usually a point where they figure out that I'm almost 40 and are surprised. I assume this is because I sound younger (and not because I act immature)... But I had no idea that when I revert to that primeval girly reaction it went out of human hearing range.

But wouldn't you think that after that trauma I would remember to zip up my jersey? I'm a slow learner.

And at any rate -- how do I count the gnats in my diet? I am sure they're a delicacy somewhere. Or for iguanas or frogs.

I Bring the Sunshine!

Over Memorial Day weekend Iggy and I went out to Seattle - our first trip together. It went really well. Thankfully he's a bit like me, or at least he's willing to humor me in terms of travel. I like to have three things when I travel:

1. plane tickets to/from home/destination
2. hotel while at destination
3. (optional) a car -- if you can get by without this, so much for the better, IMHO

So a week of winging it on vacation! I love it!

We did some touristy stuff:

• walked around the Space Needle
• saw the International Fountain (very cool)
• browsed the festival near the fountain and Space Needle -- and subjected ourselves to some odd campaign about "Free Hugs" (some girl won a bet because we both hugged her)
• bought salmon at the Pike Market and had it grilled for dinner
• rode the Monorail (which required Iggy to sing the Simpson's Monorail song -- I need to see that episode)
• went on the Underground tour took a ferry to Bainbrigde Island for brunch
  

Space Needle


Buying Salmon at Pike Market


International Fountain

And we met up with some friends: (1) an old work colleague of mine who showed us the MicroSoft Visitor's Center (very cool even if you're not an MS Corp fan -- I really want that surface computing technology on my laptop) and her fiance, (2) a friend of Iggy's from college and (3) a friend of Iggy's from high school.

We also went to Unicorn Crepes and had a Chili Cheese Dog Crepe and a Pizza Crepe! Bet you've never had one of those! (They were quite tasty, if a bit messy.)

I could totally live in Seattle. However, it may be an unfair judgement since the 5 days I was there were sunny. In fact, the 10 days I was in NZ were sunny too. The day I left it rained in NZ. And continued raining for 2 weeks. So My new theory is that I bring the sunshine! heehee