MILs

View from the Balcony

 We woke up to the sound of the waves gently rolling on the shore. The light is very muted here since it’s “rainy season”. For some reason, laying in bed listening and letting my unfocused eyes wander around the shell-shaped swoops of the textured ceiling I thought it would be cold outside. The AC isn’t on very high and the temperature is pleasantly in between cool and comfy-warm.

 

We’re here to get married. Which is exciting! And I am so glad to be here for a host of reasons that are unrelated to the wedding that’s sorta hard to sort them all out:

 

• I get to see Calle. (This is my friend from New Zealand and it will be twice in her 3-ish years there that I’ll see her. When she moved down under I had resigned myself to the occasion email.)
• I successfully got my dress here. (It was a royal P.I.T.A. carrying it through the airports and the planes didn’t have a closet for it as promised. I have no idea what shape it’s in after being smooshed in the overhead bin on top of everyone’s roll-aboard carry-ons…we’ll find that out later today.)
• I am on VACATION! (I stayed up all night before the trip trying to get caught up. I really should just work 10 hours every day – including weekends. It would be a lot easier in the end. I got my hours in at the layover at Phoenix and while there are 2 things I promised to get done before I left that I didn’t…well, someone else will figure them out. And hopefully have forgotten that I dumped that on them when I get back to work in a couple weeks.)
• Iggy, while a nervous traveler, seems to be a great companion (not only for trips but in general).
• One set of in-laws is here and that is going well…which brings me to the something I’ve been thinking about for a couple days.

 A couple of days ago a friend of mine posted on her Facebook wall “my MIL makes my life difficult”. And this weekend I’m about to gain two MILs. So how should I approach this?

 

I had a MIL once. She was great – fun, adventurous, brave, successful, smart, savvy. But she made my life difficult too. Her son, my ex, always chose her over anyone else. Granted I was easy-going at first. So every time he wanted to spend Christmas at my in-laws’ house – and there was always a good reason why we needed to, some saddening life event, some challenge she was facing, etc. I said “Ok, but next year maybe we can go visit my folks or have people come to our house.” It never worked out that way. And he was always wanting to go to their house in the mountains and spend the weekend. Every vacation we went on while we were married, they went too. She was cool, but I was second fiddle.

 

So I got to thinking about that. My ex-MIL was someone I really liked and actually liked hanging out with. Just not for every free moment. And my ex didn’t really see what I was complaining about – I mean his mom was cool, so what was my deal? So does anyone think their own mom would be a difficult mother-in-law?

 

Then I realized that this isn’t the point. For my own mom, we have differences, sure. But I have a lifetime of getting to know her and getting used to the nuances of what makes her happy or sad. So anyone coming into the picture now is a couple of decades behind me in figuring this situation out – they’ve got some adjusting to do. I think it’s like a foreign culture, almost, to try and learn how someone else’s family works. Do they brush their teeth before or after breakfast? Is it acceptable to have a nightcap before bed? Do they eat meat? Do they like to debate at the dinner table? Do they pray before dinner?

 

Anyways – here’s to adaptability and new adventures! I hope this weekend of all our families and friends meeting goes well. I’d hold my breath, but I’d probably pass out. And the scenery’s too pretty to miss…

 

See the bee?