Self-inflicted drama

Sometimes things just work out, you know?  I don't know why I'm always surprised.

I had agreed to meet Alan last night for a movie (don't start with the "that's not super-bright, Ms. Rocket Scientist" stuff -- I thought we had the ground rule worked out and I need to get the "karma/whatever-you-want-to-call-it" worked out to neutral here).  I figure a movie is safe - not much talking and so I won't cry and it's something we can do to get back to "just hanging out" feeling normal.  I go to the movies with lots of friends, right?

I got the time wrong, so we missed the movie.  While we were sitting in the parking lot deciding what to do next, a car stopped on the exit ramp from the highway, the flashers came on, and a woman got out and approached us.  Her oil light had come on and the car "just stopped".  So we drove her to get oil at a nearby gas station.  It was interesting...she was very cautious and wouldn't get into the car with Alan at the gas station until I was ready to get in as well.  And when we got back to her car there was a male police officer there.  She asked me to stay with her for a minute.  So I basically stayed until the oil was dispensed and the car started.  (Alan stayed in the car.)  I can understand her being nervous...but I'm not sure it would've occurred to me to worry about it.  Although I would've just called AAA on my cell phone and cut out the random people.

While we were helping her out, Alan and I were joking, trying to lighten her mood.  As she leaves, she says to me, "So you know how lucky you are?  It's so nice to find someone that makes you laugh!"  Oh the irony!

At any rate, Alan and I ended up just talking instead (to reiterate -- not what I wanted).  But I am hoping that this will help bring him closure...and gets him to a happy place.  It didn't seem like that was happening/helping last night.  We had a repeat of all the drama...and you know I cried the whole time.  (I seriously think I got defective tear-dispensing-system or I am an emotional over-achiever when it comes to crying.  Or I need book like How Not to Cry at the Drop of a Hat For Dummies.)

After all this I'm exhausted and torn.   Do I call Iggy and "confess" to this drama and that Alan broke "the rule"?  And I feel responsible since I put myself in the situation where it could happen.  Do I just deal with my own drama and not involve Iggy?  So what do I do?  I work for a little while (since I can't very well ride my bike at 10pm...well I guess that's not impossible but it's not appealing to me).  I don't really come to any solution but I do end up calling Iggy because I said I would.  He only knew that I was going to the movies with a friend.  I didn't think to mention the friend's name and I certainly haven't mentioned his significance yet.  So while I think Alan and I are clear on where we stand NOW, I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do if I do explain it.  And I can't see how any of it is going to sound reasonable and non-sneaky.  See why I hate dating?  I know I do it to myself...I really have to start working more on the "full disclosure" type of communication.  I work with details in my job -- and I do OK there -- why is it so hard to do that in my personal life?

At any rate, Iggy and I talk and the whole thing comes up and miraculously he's not angry.  And today I couldn't find my wallet anywhere, so I ended up having to call Alan -- it was in his car.  Talking to him was very low-key and the handoff went fine.  He even apologized for breaking "the rule" (see? he really is a good guy).

So I learned 2 things (again):

1. Stressing about it has very little impact on what will happen.
2. I create all my own drama, really.

I gotta figure out how not to do either of those...